Pattern to technique matrix

What technique counters each pressure move?

Pressure patterns are the moves that pull a conversation off center. Techniques are the short responses that help you stay clear. Use the table to name the pattern, choose a first response, and move to the full guide.

All patterns and techniques Glossary
A clear two-column visual showing pattern as what they are doing and technique as what you do.

How to choose

How to choose a response technique

  1. Name the move.
  2. Decide whether you need time, a boundary, or disengagement.
  3. Use one short line.
  4. Repeat once if needed.
  5. Stop adding reasons.

Quick match

Pattern to technique matrix

Pressure patterns matched with first-response techniques and example lines.
Pressure pattern What it sounds like Best first technique Example line Full guide
Guilt Trip After everything I have done for you, this is how you treat me? Validation I hear that you are disappointed. I am still not coming this weekend. Open guide
Sacrifice-Based Guilt I gave up so much for this family. Validation I know you have given a lot. I am still not able to do this today. Open guide
DARVO / Victim-Offender Reversal That did not happen, and your tone is abusive. Don't Over-Explain - No JADE We can talk about my tone after we address the comment. Open guide
Gaslighting / Repeated Reality Undermining That never happened. Don't Over-Explain - No JADE I remember it differently, and I am acting from my account. Open guide
Triangulation Everyone else understands this. Reflective Mirroring I cannot speak for everyone else. My concern is the timeline. Open guide
Changing the Standard That is a start, but it is not enough anymore. Broken Record The original agreement was a draft. A full deck needs a new timeline. Open guide
Work Scope Expansion Since you are already helping, take the rest too. Boundary Setting That is outside the original scope. What should move if this becomes the priority? Open guide
Boundary Pressure Can you just make an exception? Broken Record I have already answered this. Open guide
Urgency Pressure Can you answer right now? Buy Time I need to check before I answer. Open guide
Tone Policing Your tone is the problem. Reframing I can say it more calmly. The issue still needs to be addressed. Open guide
Blame Shifting So now this is all my fault? Reframing I am talking about one issue, not my whole character. Open guide
Memory Denial You promised. You just don't remember. Don't Over-Explain - No JADE We remember it differently, and I am acting from my account. Open guide
Public Shaming Maybe you can explain to the room why this failed. Boundary Setting I can discuss the timeline after this meeting. Open guide
Credit Theft I developed this from our discussion. Boundary Setting I want to add attribution here: the draft and initial structure came from my work yesterday. Open guide
Minimizing Relax, it was just a joke. I-Statements You may see it as a joke. I want comments like that to stop. Open guide
Comparison Pressure Your cousin never makes this difficult. Boundary Setting I am not going to compare myself to Maya. My capacity is what I stated. Open guide
Punitive Silence You can figure out what you did wrong. Low-Engagement Response - Grey Rock I am open to talking directly when you are ready. Open guide
Proof-of-Care / Loyalty Pressure If you cared, you would be here. Boundary Setting I am serious about the work. I am not available this weekend. Open guide
Care-Based Pressure I thought you would understand after everything I am dealing with. Validation I am sorry this is so heavy. I can talk for 20 minutes, but I cannot cancel tonight. Open guide
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